


His Eyes and Heart - Christmas Special

by AryaSnow



Series: His Eyes and Heart [2]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5515271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AryaSnow/pseuds/AryaSnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward and Thomas have settled down at Courtenay House.<br/>But there is still the issue of Edward having to marry for the sake of his family.<br/>Thomas has an idea and one thing leads to the other.<br/>Side relationship: Sybil/Tom</p><p>you can still read it if you havn't read the first part yet</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> right another oneshot that decided to run away.  
> hope you enjoy. this gets soppier the longer it runs on. Blame me for listening to xmas carols while writing it...

They had settled in nicely. Even though it hadn’t been as easy as they had hoped in the beginning. First of all when they had arrived they had been greeted by Edward’s mother. She seemed not to have heard of Jack and Edward’s agreement.

The house had been invaded by her own servants and Edward had insisted that she take them and leave. She had pretended that she hadn’t even known that Edward would live at Courtenay house and that it was her home now.

But when Edward had inquired after his father she had admitted that he wasn’t dead yet. So Edward had argued that as long as she wasn’t a widow and Jack the Lord she would have to live up at Powderham Manor.

She hadn’t replied and instead eyed Thomas, who had been standing a few steps behind Edward, curiously before declaring that he would have to leave this instant and were not to be seen on Courtenay lands again. On that cue Edward had motioned him to his side.

He had introduced him and told his mother in a tone that didn’t allow any room for negotiation that Mr. Barrow was his valet and had acted as his nurse since he arrived at the hospital. Truth be told Thomas had a hard time associating the woman in front of him with the kind woman from the letters he had read to Edward.

Again Edward had given his mother an ultimatum. She was to leave within the hour. And take each and every servant away with her. By then Tom and Sybil had arrived from picking up the other three from Lincoln station.

Sybil had given the situation one glimpse and had grasped the danger of it. She had quietly told the others to stay back and had walked up straight to Mrs. Courtenay. She had taken her by the arm and let her a short distance away.

Lady Courtenay was not amused. But once she realized that Sybil stood higher than her she at least had the grace to listen to the young woman. And Sybil shamelessly took advantage of that. After a short but intense talk she seemed to have charmed Lady Courtenay entirely.

The two women had swept past them into the house and Sybil had given them a small victorious smile which Thomas had conveyed to Edward with a light squeeze of his hand. Then he had taken Edward’s arm to lead him inside.

But Edward had stopped him. He had asked how the house looked like. Had wanted to know whether it was as he remembered. Thomas had looked up the façade and described it to the man at his side.

He had like what he saw. It was a nice house. Grander than Crawley House but not as grand as the Dowager House. It was painted light grey with offset half pillars which were painted white. It boasted cellar, ground floor and another floor. The roof looked as if it might house an attic.

Five steps lead up to great wooden double doors. Another smaller one lead into the cellar. Both boated railings wrought in black iron. White shutters adorned the windows. A gravel path lead up to the house.

Another broader one lead from an iron wrought gate to the garage which was presumably behind the house. An old thuja hedge grew all around the garden and shielded the house from prying eyes. He had remarked to Edward how beautiful and grand the whole thing seemed.

Edward had chuckled. He had told Thomas that it seemed to be exactly how he remembered it. And then he had told him something else about his family. That the Courtenays were not only old but also incredibly rich. And that this house was accounted as small.

Thomas hadn’t known what to say. He knew that Edward’s branch was a minor one. And still they lived in splendour. He was rather amazed. And then he remembered what Sybil had said to him when they had discovered that Edward in fact belonged to the big Courtenay family from Devonshire.

When he relayed to Edward how she had congratulated him for marrying into that family, his partner had laughed heartily. Then they had remembered that there was still Edward’s mother to get rid of and they went inside, the others at their heels.

Within the hours she was gone though and they were able to explore their new home. Edward had invited Sybil and Tom to join them for a little snack which was provided by the basket that Mrs. Patmore had given them.

Together all seven of them had sat around the dining room table and had enjoyed the meal. They had all laughed when Henry had remarked that this was the first time that he had eaten in such a posh room.

Ethel had smiled happily at achieving this and Daisy had been happy with her new position. Later Sybil and Tom had said goodbye and it had been a teary one. Then Thomas and the other servants had descended to explore the downstairs area while Edward had left pouting, to explore the upper floor.

When Thomas had questioned that, Edward had reprimanded him that he wasn’t stupid and that he in fact knew this house. Downstairs was rather nice. Not gloomy like Downton. Daisy squealed in delight at the kitchen and its gadgets while Ethel had been delighted at the incredibly comfortable office for the housekeeper.

After they all had deposited their stuff at their respective rooms, Daisy giving him a curious glance when he had taken up the butler’s room, he had called a meeting in the servants’ hall. He had kind of dreaded this meeting, but it had to take place.

He had taken up the chair at the head of the table and the others had sat around him. He had made it clear that he was still a member of the staff and he was to be treated as such while Edward was Sir Courtenay and of course the Master of the house.

Ethel had even gotten the cheek to ask whether he would be using his room after all. He had sternly reprimanded him and told them despite him having a relationship with Edward he was still the butler here and that made him a downstairs person.

He also told them that despite the original plans Edward would be taking meals on his own while the servants, including himself, would behaving theirs downstairs. Well except on that first day. Because Edward had wanted to address something with the servants.

He had asked Daisy to find suppliers for them the next day and Ethel to go with her to learn something. He tasked Henry with assisting him in checking inventories and the silverware and such things.

There was much to be done and Thomas had been rather busy during their first week at Courtenay house. Much to Edward’s disappointment. But, as he had reminded his husband, he was still the butler and their housekeepers were inexperienced eighteen year olds.

And then Jack had descended on them. And this time he had shown his true colours. Thomas and Henry had been serving at the table and had therefore been subjected to listen to the whole rant. It had been too late to send the lad downstairs by the time Jack had started.

To cut a long tale short he had raged about the little addition to the contract. They had of course known that one day he would realize it. Edward had remained incredibly calm throughout the entire time.

Thomas had been incredible impressed by that. He himself had been close to strangling Jack right there and then. And Henry had gone white as a sheet. When Jack stopped for a breath of air Edward had calmly told him that Jack himself had consented to that term.

And Jack had been startled into silence by that. For about two minutes until he managed to choke out the word never. Edward had turned to Thomas and had asked him whether he had changed anything after he had read the contract out loud.

Thomas had denied and at Jack’s indignant huff had added that Lady Sybil and Lady Edith would gladly attest to that as well. Then he had signalled Henry to clear the table and they had left the room.

Jack had left fuming, shortly afterwards. Edward had told him later that he had been making threats about exposing then but Edward had just pointed out that no judge would believe him after they had gotten the situation about the agreement.

After that it had been mostly running smoothly. Thomas still had to teach Daisy and Ethel a lot about keeping a house, even a small one like this, running smoothly. Thankfully Henry took over a lot of his other duties.

Poor lad. He was acting as hall boy, footman and under butler all at once. So Thomas had asked Edward to increase Henry’s salary. Which his husband gladly did. Truth be told they had been amazed at the amount Edward had been granted on a monthly basis.

It had been harder to convince Edward to actually pay him a wage. He hadn’t wanted to listen to Thomas arguments that he needed his own money, insisting that whenever Thomas needed something he should just charge it on him.

But finally Edward had consented to paying him a butler’s wage. But he still had remarked dryly that he felt he was paying Thomas like he was his mistress. Thomas had only laughed at that. He had replied that Edward was only paying him for his job.

Then in early December Edward’s father had died. Of course it had only been a matter of time and Edward hadn’t really liked him but it was still his father who had died. They had gone to the funeral as a complete household.

And he finally had met the mysterious wife of Jack Courtenay. She was pretty enough he granted her. But she was a quiet if not shy person and neither of the couple seemed to have great interest in one another.

Edward had told him earlier that Anne and Jack’s marriage had been an arranged thing. Because his father had always wanted Jack to inherit and Anne came from a prestigious family and her maiden name was Anne Fitzalan of Arundel. Anne had been wanting to marry someone else and had been forced into marrying Jack. Obviously it hadn’t turned out well.

When Thomas had asked about Tilly, Edward had grown sad. She had been his younger sister. Philippa Courtenay, as she was originally called, had caught her foot on a nail and infection had set in. She had died in agony a few days later. Edward had adored her.

Later there had been a lunch at the Manor to which only Thomas had accompanied Edward. It had been the first time he had seen the big house. And he had been rather impressed. It wasn’t anything like the Abbey.

After all it had been built in an entirely different time period. The outside was a typical late classical thing. Similar to Courtenay House but made from red brick and marble pillars. It had four stories and sprawled over an area at least the size of the Abbey.

He had taken his lunch in the servants’ hall and had been pestered with many rather rude and intimate questions. He had evaded getting too much into detail and was thankfully relieved by the butler announcing that Sir Courtenay was ready to leave.

Back at their house he had called a meeting in the servants’ hall and had once more driven the point home how very careful they had to be around the village and that it might even be possible that someone from the staff from the Manor might visit them under some pretence.

Later that night it had been him taking Edward into his arms and comforting him. Because despite the fact that Edward and his father hadn’t gotten along and that his father had actually expelled Edward from the family, Edward had still loved him.


	2. Chapter 2

Thomas was sitting in bed, his back against the headboard, and studied the man sleeping next to him. He had drifted off, thinking about their first month of living together as a couple. Now he was contemplating whether to wake Edward or not.

He loved watching the other man sleep. Edward seemed so peaceful then. Thomas watched how his chest slowly rose and fell and chuckled at the small snoring sounds that Edward made as he slept. Just as he was about to kiss his husband awake, a timid knock heralded Henry.

“One moment.” Thomas called out. He got out of bed and snatched his bed robe from a nearby chair. It had been a present from Edward. Shrugging it on, he opened the door. Henry looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Still in bed at this hour?” He asked. “I have to be allowed some slack as the butler.” Henry chuckled. Then he handed Thomas a letter “Came in the morning post. It is from the Abbey so I thought you might want to read it at once.”

Thomas took the letter and immediately noted Sybil’s delicate writing. “Thank you Henry. I’ll be down shortly.” But Henry just smiled “No need to hurry, we have already eaten breakfast and I guess Sir isn’t awake yet?”

Thomas grinned back at the cheeky hall boy turned footman. “No he isn’t. Thank you Henry. Oh and before I forget it. Lady Courtenay, the elder one, has asked to visit today. Could you check on the silver and the china? She is even more a Lady of the old times than the Dowager of Grantham.”

Henry nodded “Alright Mr. Barrow. Anything else?” Thomas shook his head “No, thank you Henry.” The young man left and Thomas closed the door. When he turned back to the bed he saw that Edward had woken and sat leaning against the headboard.

Thomas made his way over and kissed Edward good morning. Slim hands tangled in his already ruffled, black hair and Edward pulled him deeper into the kiss. Thomas put the letter on the nightstand and let Edward pull him back onto the bed.

He just loved their morning rituals. He actually loved everything to do with Edward. He sighed satisfied against his husband’s lips. He was finally home. “Edward?” He carefully disentangled himself and sat back against the headboard.

“Hm?” Edward snuggled up to him and laid his head against Thomas chest. Thomas let his fingers trail through the brown curls. He kissed them before he spoke again “There was a letter in the morning post, from Sybil.”

Sleepily Edward replied “I heard. Read it?” Thomas chuckled. Edward had always been slow to wake up. He loved staying in bed as long as possible and Thomas was willing to indulge him to an extent. A look at the clock told him that it was time to get up though. Even for Sir Edward Courtenay.

He gently nudged him. “Edward! No going back to sleep! It is nine o’clock!” “Hmpf” But Edward at least opened his unseeing eyes and sat up. Only to lean his head against Thomas’ shoulder. “Read the letter to me. Please?”

“You are impossible Edward!” Thomas admonished but he laughed as he said it. “Right. One moment.” He reached over his husband and took the letter from the nightstand. Quickly he opened it and threw the envelope to the floor. He would throw it away later.

“Dear Edward and Thomas. I wonder whether you have given any thought to my parents’ suggestion. We would be delighted if you and the other three could join us for the Christmas festivities. Since shooting is out of question for you, Edward, I guess you won’t stay over the New Year’s weekend.”

Edward sighed sadly at that and Thomas let go of the letter, gently kissing him in consolation. When he took Sybil’s letter up again he kept an arm around Edward. “I am sorry about that Edward. You have always said how much you enjoyed it before the War.”

“Was that you or Sybil?” Thomas smiled. “Sybil. But she is echoing my thoughts. You did love it.” Edward nodded. “I did. I loved everything about the country. Including riding. I really loved it. I had a beautiful brown stallion called Lord’s Boy.”

“He was a great animal. Maybe he is still up in the stables at the Manor. You could lead me around or lunge me. I would so love to sit in the saddle again.” Thomas trailed his fingers through Edward’s hair. “We could to that my love. Let’s head up there today.”

Edward broke into a great smile “Certainly. But you don’t have a clue what you are getting yourself into. I am a horse person to the bone.” “For you I’d even fly to the moon.” Edward giggled “Not quite that high. Only onto horseback.”

Now it was Thomas turn to smile. “I’ll have you know that I actually sat on a horse before. I am not the very best of riders but Lady Mary insisted all of the footmen knew how to ride in case all of the grooms were busy and one of us had to accompany her.”

Edward was delighted “Then it is fixed.” Thomas adored the way Edward got all enthusiastic at the possibility to take up at least one of his beloved country sports again. “Shall I continue the letter or do you want to get started right away?”

“Read the letter first.” But he was all jumpy already. “Alright here we go. Please extend our invitation to all of your household. I know that Daisy and Mrs. Patmore would be delighted to see each other again.”

“You guys can take up residence in Fontainebleau again. Which I think would be the best choice. Oh and tell Ethel she is to keep her fingers off our new footmen. One is quite the looker and a total charmer.”

Edward chuckled at that “Well paws off him Mr. Barrow.” Thomas kissed the top of his head and drew him closer. “Why should I ever be interested in anyone but you Edward?” “Who knows?” But they chuckled at the thought of ever taking an interest in anyone but each other.

Thomas took up the letter again. “I hope to hear from you soon. Because it will be my last Christmas at Downton. After New Year we will tell the family and leave for Dublin. Greetings from Tom as well. And from Edith to Edward. For whatever reason. And of course from me. Yours Sybil”

Thomas looked up from the sheet. “Edward? You know why Edith is taking an interest in you?” Edward considered for a moment “I think so. And it won’t happen.” But Thomas had thought a great deal about it.

And he had made a plan. But he would have to introduce the notion carefully to his husband. “Maybe it would be for the best.” Edward sat up, angrily he asked “Why? Do you plan to leave me?” “Never Edward. Never will I leave you while I draw breath.”

Edward settled back into his arms. “Then why are you suggesting a marriage to Lady Edith. Because that is what you are doing. Aren’t you?” “Because I know her. She is desperate for a husband. And for that she would go to great lengths.”

“We could use the time we spent there at Christmas to discuss terms of a possible marriage. If she knows that we are a thing and at the same time she would be allowed to pursue her own life, then I believe she would agree.”

“If she finds a man she likes, fine. If she would get pregnant by him, even better. It would get you out of Jack’s scheming and give her the life she always wanted. Or would you rather marry a bride of Jack’s choosing? Because he won’t wait much longer.”

Edward had gone quiet the longer Thomas had explained his plan. “And you would expect me to accept this child? Because you realize if it would be a boy, he would be Jack’s heir as long as Anne doesn’t have a baby.”

Thomas hadn’t thought of that. But honesty he didn’t care. “I know you are kind enough to do so. And you are strong enough to protect him from your brother. Just think about it.” Slowly Edward nodded “I will. Thank you Thomas.”

He got out of bed and Thomas looked at him worriedly. He hoped that he hadn’t insulted Edward with his suggestion but he knew one thing for a certainty: Edward had to marry quickly and it had to be a bride of his own choosing.

Half an hour later they were on their way to the Manor. Thomas had told Daisy not to expect them for lunch. They hadn’t told them about Sybil’s offer. It would be a surprise. Edward still hadn’t said a word to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh... this is where my great love if getting the upper hand  
> lots of horsey stuff aproaching....  
> Lord's Boy (Bobby) is actually a neat description of the horse i usually ride (except for the color, mine is white)  
> Also i once rode a horse that mirrors Calliope to the very last detail.
> 
> Sorry if i bore you with this chapter. But Edward's grandmother also pays them a visit hope you like her

Thomas wasn’t sure if he was just thinking or if he was mad at him. He hoped that being around horses made his husband’s mood perk up a bit. He hated seeing Edward like this. It reminded him of the first days at the hospital.

His hopes were confirmed when they arrived at their destination. Edward had stopped in the middle of the yard and taken a deep breath. He broke into a big smile. “I just love this smell. It means so much to me Thomas that you agreed to come here with me.”

He saw an elderly man approach them. He eyed Thomas curiously before turning to Edward “Sir Edward? I had heard that you were back but we didn’t expect you to come here.” Edward smiled at him.

“Because I am blind you mean? Mr. Turner, do you really think that would keep me from the horses for long?” The other man smiled “No Sir. Certainly not.” “Is Bobby still around?” Edward sounded hopeful. Thomas presumed that was his pet name for his favourite horse.

“Yes Sir. He is still here. When they came to collect the horses for the army, they only took the ones between five and ten.” Edward smiled knowingly “Lucky me that Bobby was already eleven by then. Could you bring me to him?”

“Certainly Sir.” They set out towards the stable proper. When they entered Thomas had to adjust his eyes to the gloom within. He smiled as he realized that Edward in fact didn’t need Mr. Turner to show him to the stall.

When Bobby heard Edward’s footsteps and his gentle calling he whinnied. Edward laughed. He stepped into the stall and put his arms around his horse’s neck burying his face into the thick black mane.

Even Thomas, who had zero interest in horses, could see the beauty of the animal in front of him. Bobby was about 162 cm tall and had a gleaming red brown coat. His thick mane and tail fell in wavy locks. And he had very intelligent eyes.

He didn’t look like any English horse Thomas had seen at the Abbey. So he turned to Mr. Turner and asked “He is not the usual hunting horse right?” Mr. Turner looked him up and down “You don’t know much about horses do you?”

It hadn’t been said unkindly just with a curious tone. “No. I can sit on them and not fall off. But that’s about it.” Mr. Turner chuckled. “Well not everybody can be as horse crazy as Sir Edward. And to answer your question, no he isn’t a hunter. He is a Spanish bred. And a very impressive one at that.”

Thomas nodded. Mr. Turner turned to him again as Edward didn’t make to move away from the horse. “And you are his nurse?” Thomas shook his head, answering carefully “No. His valet and butler. And his guide and his secretary.”

Mr. Turner nodded. “We should get going. Sir Edward?” Edward didn’t even look up from the horse’s face, he was cuddling. “Don’t mind me Mr. Turner. I’d stay a while. Actually, could you put his tack on the bar outside?”

“Already done Sir. I was about to hack out when you came over. Do you need help?” “No. I have tacked up so often that I can literally do it blind.” “Right then Sir.” Thomas spoke up “I’ll stay if you don’t mind Mr. Turner. Better safe than sorry.”

To his surprise Edward chuckled at that “No Barrow. I would like some time alone with him. He won’t hurt me.” He bend down to feel a leg. Then he straightened up again. “Actually Mr. Turner could you get a horse sorted for Mr. Barrow? We both need to refresh our riding practice.”

“Certainly Sir. Would Calliope do?” Edward considered a moment. “Yes she would be perfect. Thank you Mr. Turner. We will meet you in the yard.” Truth be told Thomas was rather reluctant to leave Edward with the big stallion but he had no choice.

Half an hour later he stood inside a fenced sand arena holding the reins of a typical Irish hunter mare. She was big, at least 175cm, and bulky at that. But as Mr. Turner had assured him, she was the nicest horse around.

Edward joined them with Bobby a few minutes later. The big stallion seemed eager to work but at the same time was very careful not to knock Edward aside. Cheerfully Edward asked “Alright Mr. Turner.”

“I have one favour to ask, no actually two. One would be if you could take Mr. Barrow on a lunge in the beginning and second could you call out to me about two steps before I reach a corner? Just shout corner short or corner long depending on which side I am approaching.”

Mr. Turner smiled. “Certainly Sir. Just let me get a lunge real quick.” When he was gone Edward called to Thomas “Put the reins over her head and come here, I need you to hold him. And she won’t move.”

Thomas did as asked and took the reins Edward offered him, brushing their hands against each other as he did so. “Shall I do anything?” “No thank you Barrow. I just need to chinch the belt and adjust the stirrups.”

And he set about doing just that. “Thomas don’t be afraid. Calli is the kindest horse I know. She never bucks or starts running. I learned to ride on her, all of us did. She is an old lady already but she will do her best to carry you safely.”

“Thank you Edward. I haven’t ridden for years. And I wasn’t any good to begin with. I am doing this for you now.” “I know, thank you.” Thomas spied Mr. Turner returning carrying a whip, a shorter one and a long line.

“Sir Edward? I brought you a stick. Though you might like one.” Edward put out his hand and Mr. Turner put the stick into it. “Thank you. Could you give me a leg up?” Mr. Turner folded his hands and gently tapped them against Edward’s knee. Edward put his foot into the offered hands and up he went.

He patted Bobby’s neck and took up the reins. Thomas watched in amazement how Edward immediately took up a perfect rider’s seat. “Mr. Barrow are you ready?” “Not really but I guess I have to.” And as easy as that he was thrown upwards and into the saddle.

Half an hour later Thomas was completely drenched in sweat. He seriously didn’t like riding one bit. Edward on the other side hadn’t stopped smiling once. After a few rounds he had gotten a rough size down of the ring and continued onto more difficult things.

He truly was a brilliant rider. Or so Mr. Turner said. “He hasn’t forgotten one thing.” The old man said as Edward was moving his stallion sideways in trot. “Mr. Turner?” Edward called out “How many tempi can I do on the diagonal?”

“About fifteen single and ten double Sir.” The stable master called back. “What are tempi?” Thomas asked curious. “Just watch, you will see in a moment.” Edward moved his horse into a slow canter and turned onto the diagonal.

The he did the most incredible thing. “Mr. Barrow? Do you see how the horse changes the leg that leads his stride every second stride? That’s a tempi.” By then Edward had finished the diagonal and cantered through the short side.

Then he repeated the exercise on the next diagonal, this time changing leg with every stride. “Is that hard to master Mr. Turner?” Mr. Turner looked up at him as he was still seated on his white mare. “Yes it is highly advanced riding Mr. Barrow. Sir Edward is a very good rider and has always been. Quite a natural talent I would say.”

Now Edward was stirring his horse onto the middle line still cantering slowly. Then he made the horse slowly turn on his hind legs, still cantering. After that he slowed down to a walk. “Mr. Turner?” He called again “Could we practice some pp work?”

“Sure Sir. One moment.” Turning to Thomas he said “Just move around the arena at a walk, she won’t do anything and I would like her to cool down slowly.” With that he removed the lunge and went over to Edward who had halted in the middle of the arena.

“Come on girl. Let’s try this on our own.” He said to his horse and nudged her with his heels. Obediently she started to walk. Thomas stirred her to the outer track of the arena. By then Mr. Turner had reached Edward and fixed the lunge onto Bobby’s bridle.

Edward handed him his stick and sat up really straight. “Relax Sir. It is no different than riding collection.” Edward chuckled, but it sounded strained “Only it never works when I try it.” “It is all with the practise Sir.”

“We will start with the Piaffe” Whatever that was Thomas thought. “Right, collect him and use your legs to get him into trot but use your body to tell him to stay in place.” Thomas understood not a word.

Edward had sat up and he saw how he was urging his horse on with his legs. Then the horse stepped on the spot. Once, twice and then kicked. “That was really nice Sir. You are getting the hang of it. Again.”

It took Edward a few more tries until he managed to get his horse to step on the spot for a minute or so without it ending in kicking. Afterwards he patted Bobby’s neck enthusiastically and let him walk on a loose rein.

He turned his head towards Thomas. “Go on Mr. Barrow. Try to trot a few rounds. Though you might need the stick. She is rather lazy.” Mr. Turner strode over and handed him the stick. “Use your legs to get her to trot. Let the reins loose. If she won’t comply give her a light lick of the stick.”

Thomas wasn’t sure he wanted this. No he was certain he didn’t want this. But he would do it. Because it would make Edward happy. So he nudged Calliope with both legs at the same time like Mr. Turner had told him.

She seemed to grasp what she was supposed to do even if Thomas was sure he was rather clumsy about it. They started trotting around the arena. He heard Edward laughing “Mr. Barrow even I can hear that this is not trot.”

“I don’t know what to call it. Maybe evading work on Calli’s side. Tap her with the stick. She should go a bit faster.” Thomas did as Edward had bit him. At once Calliope picked up speed. He felt like he was thrown around in a storm.

“Mr. Barrow sit up straight! Try to keep your seat. Heels down, head up. And make yourself heavy!” Mr. Turner’s voice sounded over the arena. Thomas tried to do as he requested but it was hard doing it all at once and at the same time keeping his horse on track.

He saw how Mr. Turner whispered something to Edward. They both broke into laughter. “Mr. Barrow.” This time it was Edward shouting instructions. “Let go of the reins. It doesn’t matter where she is going. She can’t leave the arena and she won’t start running.”

“Focus on your seat. Make yourself heavy and try to point your heels to the earth. At the same time pull your chin up.” Thomas was reluctant to yield power over their way to the horse. But he did it anyway.

He held onto the saddle instead. Desperately he tried to do what Edward had requested. But somehow it didn’t work. In the end Calliope decided that she had done enough and slowed into a walk.

He pulled her to a stop next to Edward and Mr. Turner. “Don’t worry Mr. Barrow. You will get the hang of it.” Edward joked. Heaven, would there be a next time? He hoped not. “Mr. Turner? Can you hand Mr. Barrow the line? I would like to walk a little in the forest to cool them down.”

“Sure Sir. If you think it works for you? If you take the main path towards the hunting course there is a tree on the path about halfway there. You could ride up to it and then turn around.” “Thank you Mr. Turner that sounds nice.”

Then he turned to Thomas “The path he means starts right next to the arena Mr. Barrow. So lead on. And let the reins long. That way they know work is over and they are just going out to relax.” Thomas took the lunge that was still attached to Bobby’s bridle, nudged his mare into a walk and turned onto the path Edward had indicated.

As soon as they were out of view Edward made his horse step closer to Thomas’ and took his hand. “Thank you for doing this for me. It was marvellous to sit on a horse again.” Thomas shook his head “I can’t see what you like so much about it. Though you make a striking figure on a horse, I’ll admit.”

“Thank you dear. I had years of practice though. And horses have always been my friends and the stable my sanctuary. On some days I rode up to four horses. I even helped to start the young ones. I just love it. It is the second best thing in my life.”

Thomas grinned “And what might be the best thing?” “Being with you, darling.” They laughed and Edward squeezed Thomas’ hand. “You don’t like riding though.” “I am sorry but no. I don’t get it. And I’ve got a bruise where I don’t even want to talk of.”

He shifted in the saddle. “You will learn though. Because we will be doing this regularly now. I won’t give it up a second time.” “How do you actually manage to find your way in the arena? Or around the stable?”

Edward chuckled. “I know everything by heart here. In the arena I counted the steps Bobby took between Mr. Turner’s shouts. As soon as I had that I was able to work properly.” By then they had reached the tree Mr. Turner had told them about and turned around.

“The only thing I’ll probably not be doing anymore is jumping. Maybe in the arena but not on a hunting course. I don’t really miss it though. I always liked dressage better.” Thomas heard from his husband’s voice just how much love he had for horses and everything to do with them.

And he certainly hoped that when Edward spoke about him to Sybil or Tom, he had the same love in his voice. “If you want to Edward we can head here often. You really love it, it comes out in your voice.”

“And I’ll do whatever makes you happy. Even if that means feeling like a sack of potatoes and getting bruises where they are not supposed to be.” “You are so cute Thomas. Thank you. It means so much to me that we can do this together.”

Thomas huffed indignantly. He had never been called cute before. It scratched at his manly pride. Kittens were cute or little kids. But not a full grown and proud man like Thomas Barrow. Honestly. But Edward only giggled at his harrumphing.

Later when they were back home they quickly washed up and went downstairs to receive Edward’s grandmother. Thomas took his usual place by the sideboard and Henry stood next to the fireplace. It felt rather unusual by now, having to revert back to Carson’s teachings.

But even Thomas had to admit that Carson had done well by teaching even the lowest hallboy the standards of centuries past. Because in comparison to the old Dowager Lady Courtenay, the Dowager of Grantham was the most modern being on earth.

Thomas had to keep the mirth out of his face at seeing how much Edward struggled to keep conversation from stirring into dangerous waters. Because Lady Courtenay was as witty and as clever as Lady Grantham.

And she obviously knew about Edward’s problems with his family and what caused them. At the same time she continuously seemed to forget that Edward wasn’t her son, which wasn’t made easier by him bearing the same name as his father, and that in addition he was blind.

She was an odd Lady and Thomas had to flee the room together with Henry more than once before he gave himself away with his laughter. Right now they were supposed to serve the next course. Which in the presence of Lady Courtenay made for some odd adventure and lead to some rather stingy remarks.

They had made an arrangement that involved Thomas gently nudging Edward with the platter to warn him about a new dish coming. Then Henry would step up and put some food on the plate. Lady Courtenay was ridiculed by it.

“I wasn’t aware that you ran a hotel, Edward? In my house we serve ourselves. As it should be done.” “Lady Grandmother, you seem to forget that I am unable to see the offered food. Mr. Barrow and Henry are only being polite.”

Yet another oddity. Jack and Edward were forced to call their grandmother Lady Grandmother. Even Lady Violet allowed her granddaughters to call her granny. Thomas moved to offer Lady Courtenay the platter.

“My Lady?” She turned to face him “What, aren’t you going to serve me?” Thomas tried to keep his voice even as he replied “You seemed to favour serving yourself My Lady. I am sorry if I misunderstood.”

He saw Edward flashing a tiny private smile in his direction. Seemingly he was rather amused at Thomas’ situation. Lady Courtenay turned to her grandson, leaving Thomas standing at her side, with the platter still offered.

Thomas felt his back protesting. Gosh it had been too long that he had been serving at a table in a proper fashion. Usually Henry served Edward’s meals while Thomas took the time to do some butler’s duties.

In addition his whole body still ached from this morning’s exertions on horseback. “Edward, don’t your servants know how to behave when in presence of members of the upper society?” Edward turned his face towards his grandmother.

“I am pretty sure that Mr. Barrow was only trying to be polite.” “Well talking back isn’t what I call polite. Really Edward how could you let your household slip into this state? And since when is it common practice to call ones footmen by their last name? Or have hall boys serving at the table?”

She finally served herself and Thomas was able to stand back up. “And why isn’t your butler present? Is that custom gone too?” Edward drew a deep breath. Thomas noticed from the corner of his eye that Henry was close to bursting.

Quickly he pushed the platter at him and motioned in the general direction of the servery. Henry disappeared. As soon as he was gone Edward started to explain to his mother about his reduced staffing of the house.

It was going to be a fun ride to watch the old Lady react to this. As long as he was out of the line of fire. “Lady Grandmother. Mr. Barrow here is my butler. Young Henry is my footman. Therefore you see all rules have been observed.”

“How can one so young of age be a butler? And Young Henry as you call him should still be out of sight polishing things in the boot room! At least you cook seems to be capable of her job.” Thomas had to bite back a smile at the thought of eighteen year old Daisy down in the kitchen.

He was curious if Edward would have the gall to tell his grandmother about her. “Well I will pass on my thanks to Mrs. Mason. Who by the way has enjoyed an excellent education that has provided her with everything she needs to know by the tender age of eighteen.”

Obviously he had. “And where have you found this rag tack band of yours? Your brother seems to have things better in hand up at the Manor. Or better sweet Anne. On which account. When will you finally marry Edward?”

Dangerous territory. Edward still hadn’t said anything about his suggestion concerning Lady Edith. Thomas assumed that he was still a little annoyed at Thomas making plans for his life without telling him about it.

Edward liked being as independent as possible. He hated it when others made plans for him. It left him feeling helpless and disabled. Thomas had known this and had still continued on with his plan. That was what Edward seemed not to be able to forgive him easily for.

“As a matter of fact I found my household in the convalescent home I was brought to after my injuries. Mr. Barrow then ran it as Sergeant Barrow. Before the War he had been first footman there and filled in as valet to the Lord there. Now he is combining the duties of butler and valet and nurse for me.”

“As to your second question. Yes I have a young Lady in mind. I guess I’ll see her around Christmas so I’ll be able to tell you more on that score afterwards. Does this satisfy you?” She wagged her finger in front of his face.

“Don’t you get cheeky with me young man. But I am happy to hear it. I was beginning to get the wrong idea. Jack will be glad too and your Lady Mother of course.” “Please Lady Grandmother don’t tell them. I will as soon as everything is fixed. I rely on your secrecy.”

An hour later Edward had finally managed to rid himself of his grandmother and fell into Thomas’ arms with an exasperated sigh. “God in heaven.” He mumbled against Thomas’ livery. Thomas encircled him in his arms and laughed lightly.

“She is a right old Lady.” “When it suits her.” Thomas chuckled. He led Edward into the library where they sunk onto one of the sofas. “Damn. I really need to let this out.” Thomas groaned as he rid himself of his livery jacket.

“You are putting on weight my dear.” Edward chuckled. “I am not!” Thomas was ridiculed by the mere suggestion. "Well it fit perfectly when you got it. It hasn’t shrunk in the wash.” Thomas huffed and threw the offending garment over a nearby chair.

Sitting back he leaned his head against Edward’s chest. Promptly long and tender fingers were in is hair, tousling them loose of their immaculate hold. “Read us something?” Edward pleaded. “I would have to get up. Too comfy here to do so.”

Immediately Edward took his fingers out of Thomas’ hair and shoved him off. “Go and get something you lazy person. No wonder you are putting on weight. You are not doing anything.” Thomas reluctantly abided to his husband’s wish and fished a book from one of the shelves.

He eyed his belly carefully. Edward might be right he concluded at seeing the shirt tighten a bit over his belly. Edward on the other hand hadn’t put on one gram. He was still the slim and beautiful man he had been two years ago.

He returned to the sofa and resumed his previous position. He loved these cosy evenings with his husband. They were just so relaxed and everything was fine in those moments. Edward had even been known to nod off once or twice.

“Thomas? Are you happy?” Thomas closed the book at Edward’s question. He took his husband’s hand and entwined their fingers. “Yes Edward, I am happy. I am with you. We live together surrounded by people who don’t mind us loving each other.”

“You have your horses and your fun whenever I make a fool of myself on them. We have great friends who will always support us. That is more than I ever thought I’d have. I am with the man I love. I don’t need more.”

Edward drew Thomas to him. “Thank you Thomas. I know it hasn’t been easy. But your words are balm on a sore soul. Thank you my love.” He kissed his husband gently before drawing him even closer. Thomas buried his face in Edward’s neck.

Edward wasn’t done however. “I also wanted to thank you for something else Thomas.” Thomas lifted his head to reply “Hm. What for?” “For telling me a way out of my predicament concerning marriage.”

“Legal marriage anyways.” Thomas carefully disentangled himself and sat up. “You don’t have to do it.” Edward sighed “The problem is I do. Mother has been nagging for ages. And I am pretty sure Jack is out and about to find a suitable noble woman for me.”

“Your idea might actually be the best. I don’t know Lady Edith all that well but from what you and Sybil have told me it might work out. I am just afraid that she will agree to it and then when she has had a bite or two of this life, back out again.”

Thomas shook his head “No she won’t. She might not be happy and look for distraction elsewhere but as long as she doesn’t look for it in your brother it should be fine. And it might even provide you with an heir. So in a way you will still inherit the lands.”

Edward chuckled “You always have a solution Thomas. It sounds better the longer I think about it. We have a house in London. She might enjoy a city life.” Thomas replied nothing and just drew Edward into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor Thomas. He just can't ride. that makes it hard for him to feel Edward's love for horses.... but what don't you do for your great love?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A visit to Downton!!! How nice for all of them
> 
> or not....

Around midday of the 24th of December Thomas, Edward and their staff arrived at Downton. Tom was already there to pick them up. They had managed to keep it from the three members of staff until they had pulled into Downton Station a few minutes past.

Daisy had been close to howling with glee at the prospect of seeing Mrs. Patmore again. Henry was smiling and Thomas knew it was because of the young maid that worked up at the house. Only Ethel wasn’t that happy.

Thomas presumed that it was because she had not only been there for just a short time but also because she had been an outcast like him. But they hadn’t wanted to leave her behind and so she had come as well.

Tom greeted them warmly, pulling all of them into a big hug. As he clasped Thomas, the former footman whispered conspirationally “What? They still allow you to drive the car? After you made off with their youngest daughter?”

Tom only laughed “If only they knew.” But it had a sad tinge to it. Thomas knew that his friend wanted nothing more than to start a new life with his Sybil. Even he and Edward had managed to make a life for themselves.

He just squeezed Tom’s shoulder. “You will manage Tom. You two are meant for each other.” Tom nodded gratefully at the man he never thought he might call a friend one day. “As are you two. On which note I am glad to have you all back. It has grown boring.”

Edward had joined them “I can imagine. And we bring some interesting proposals with us.” Tom eyed them curiously “Like what?” Thomas looked around to make sure that the others weren’t able to listen in.

“Not here and not now Tom. We’ll tell you later. Just be assured that it might cause some noise upstairs and downstairs.” “Well sounds ominous. Sybil and I will drop by after tea if that’s alright?” Edward nodded.

Tom chuckled. “You are like one person you know? Always seeming to finish the thought the other has been thinking and continuing their gestures or conversations. It is quite fun to watch.” Thomas and Edward laughed.

By then they had reached the car and got in. The drive back to the Abbey was filled with laughter and over far too quick. Thomas was once more amazed how well Edward fitted into their midst despite being nobly born and not quite what one might call a working man.

Once they got off the car at the Abbey Thomas helped Edward out and when he turned towards the house was overwhelmed by the familiarity of it and all the memories came back at once. He tried to inconspicuously brush a tear away. This house had been a home to him after all.

Thomas accompanied Edward to the front door while the other three made their way around to the kitchen courtyard. He wanted to step inside after his partner but heard a raspy throat clearing in disapproval.

“Mr. Barrow I am sure you remember that valets are asked to use the back door as well?” He turned towards the towering butler. “I am sorry Mr. Carson. But I am not what one might call a normal valet. Sir Courtenay needs permanent help moving around locations he doesn’t know well. I am sorry if that doesn’t suit you.”

With that he tipped his hat and went in through the front doors. He took Edward’s hat and coat and brought them to the little room off the side. When he returned the family had come to greet Edward. Politely he stood back.

Finally they were done and Edward motioned him to join up. Lord Grantham eyed him as if he had seen him somewhere before and couldn’t quite remember. Then he seemed to have made the connection.

“Ah Barrow is it? You ran this house during the War.” Thomas inclined his head. “I did My Lord and before I was a footman to your Lordship.” “Well you have made your way I must say. Will you be staying as a guest or as an attendant to Sir Edward?”

“I’ll be taking up my old room if that is still possible?” He addressed the question to Mr. Carson. “Certainly Mr. Barrow. Sir Courtenay will be staying in Fontainebleau. I believe you remember where it is?”

“Yes Mr. Carson. Thank you.” “Will you be joining the servant’s meals Mr Barrow or do you eat privately?” The gall of it. “I’ll be eating with the rest of the staff. Thank you Mr. Carson.” He could barely supress a groan. He certainly hadn’t missed Carson.

He could see a small smile playing on Edward’s lips. It seemed to amuse his husband to no ends how Mr. Carson tried to insult him at every turn. “Sir Edward? Are you ready to go upstairs?” Edward nodded “Certainly Mr. Barrow.”

Edward placed his hand on Thomas’ arm and they went up the grand staircase to the beet red face and mumbled insults of Carson. Thomas throughoughly enjoyed scandalizing Carson. After they had closed their door behind them, Edward dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“Not funny Edward!” Thomas reprimanded but couldn’t keep the mirth entirely out of his voice. “You don’t like this Carson do you?” “No and it is a feeling returned.” Edward took his hand “Well I for one am glad that my butler is just so much nicer.”

“So is your valet.” “Right I forgot you don’t like the one around here either. Seriously Thomas. I must say I am glad that I am not in your bad books.” Thomas encircled him in his arms “You never could Edward.”

Tea went well. Or as well as it could with Thomas and Carson presiding over it. It was then that Thomas met the new footmen for the first time. One was a towering ginger bean pole and rather clumsy.

The other one was a stunner. Just like Sybil had written. He was slightly smaller than Thomas with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. He might have fallen for him once. Before Edward. Because despite the young man being beautiful, Edward with his scarred eyes and curly hair would always be more beautiful to Thomas than any footman.

Afterwards they retired and were quickly joined by Sybil and Tom. Thomas wasn’t sure how sensible it was telling them of their plan for Edith before the poor girl herself heard it. Though Edward did give a marvellous impression of hidden courtship during tea.

He had gotten quite jealous to be honest. In addition to that Lady Edith had immediately taken to Edward’s compliments. Well his husband was a charmer after all. He had known that for as long as they were together. It was just unusual to see that charm directed somewhere else.

“So Edward what exactly did you have in mind with Edith just now? That was rather weird.” Thomas chuckled at her choice of words. And Sybil would be Sybil if she hadn’t come straight to the point. “You might rather sit down Sybil.” Edward cautioned.

“Let me start with some problem I am faced with at home and you’ll understand.” Sybil nodded. Tom looked curious but no doubt Sybil had already filled him in on the events in the library. Thomas took his place next to Edward on the bed.

“You see Jack and my mother keep nagging me that for various reasons I shouldn’t stay a bachelor for much longer. Jack has even implied that he has found someone and would force me up the aisle if necessary.”

“Thomas had an idea that would allow all parties to benefit greatly from if it should be acted upon. Darling?” Edward turned to him. Why did it have to be him? They had agreed that Edward would do the talking. He felt very uncomfortable.

“Must I? Edward it is your life you tell them.” “It is yours as well. And it was your idea. So go on.” Sybil looked from one to the other “Now I am on the edge of my seat. Please Thomas.” Thomas took a breath and felt to his surprise Edward’s hand sneaking into his, giving it a little squeeze.

“We thought that maybe all would benefit from a marriage between Edith and Edward.” There he had said it. Sybil was staring at them aghast. “That is the craziest idea you two have come up with yet.” Tom sounded rather amazed at it.

Edward spoke up, sensing Sybil’s shock “Shall I explain how it suits all of us? First me and Thomas. Jack or mother will be doing something not very nice if I don’t have a wife showing up soon. It would keep them at bay, therefore allowing Thomas to stay with me.”

“Second Edith. After all you have written she has become a very independent woman. She is writing for a newspaper now I think. With me she would have the backing of a powerful and rich family. She could do as she pleases.”

“Sybil you have indicated that she likes going to London. She is very welcome to do so after our wedding. We have a nice house there which she is very welcome to use. And this might be the most important bit.”

Edward paused and this time it was Thomas who encouragingly squeezed his husband’s hand. Edward took another breath before he continued. “This would be a cover marriage. From my side it will never be consummated.”

“If Edith wants to start a relationship or even have children, I’ll be supporting of that. I’ll, if she wishes so, declare any of her children as mine and bring them up at Courtenay House. As long as my sister in law doesn’t have a son, any of hers would stand as heir to Powderham Manor.”

“That is what I can offer. A secure marriage to a wealthy man from a rich and prestigious family. In addition to any freedom she wishes to have and to choose whoever she wants.” Sybil seemed thoughtful of Edward’s proposition.

Finally she said “That is very generous of you Edward. And of you Thomas. I am not sure how Edith would take it though. She likes you well enough, even if it was your brother she was after.” At that point Edward interrupted her.

“That is the only man I’ll not accept her taking as a lover. It would neither be fair to me nor to Anne. Even if Jack and Anne don’t get along.” Sybil nodded. “You are handsome enough I suppose. “Oy!” Thomas exclaimed.

Tom chuckled and Sybil smiled. “What? I am allowed to say that Thomas. Edward is a good looking man, as you won’t deny.” “No I won’t deny it. Of course not.” Thomas slipped an arm around Edward’s back.

“Edward you would have to talk to Edith about it. And you have to decide whether you tell her the whole story behind it. If yes, Thomas should be there as well. If Edith agrees you should ask Papa. He will be delighted of course.”

“Marrying you is something that he would never have thought of for Edith. And it will take the focus off us as well. So a favour to everyone. I guess you want this sorted out by the time you leave so you can announce it to your family at New Year’s?”

Edward nodded. “Well then better find her. You’ve got two days to get everything sorted then.” Thomas smiled and Edward said “Thank you Sybil. For your support in really everything. It means so much to us both.”

Sybil smiled and took Tom’s hand “You seem to forget that I am engaged to our chauffeur and that will take a lot of fighting. But like you we do it to be with one another. That really makes us partners in crime don’t you think?”

And they all broke into laughter. Thomas used the moment to press a little kiss to Edward’s neck and Sybil and Tom switched places so she could sit on his lap. Their talk turned to lighter topics and Thomas finally had a chance to catch up on the gossip around the house.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm Edith might be a little off character here.

Later that evening Edward managed to catch Lady Edith as they were leaving the dining room. He and Thomas had agreed not to tell her the entire story just yet. He was rather nervous as he asked her to join him in the library for a couple of minutes.

Thomas had taken up position outside the door which had been left open so no one could accuse them of anything untoward. He chuckled at the thought of him, Edward Courtenay, doing something improper with a woman.

Not a chance of that really. Certainly not now with Thomas at his side. But even before that he had never even been able to flirt with a woman. His compliments sounded hollow and his smiles were fake. Yet it had been enough to charm Lady Edith Crawley.

Poor girl. She was in for a major disappointment. But he had heard how her voice picked up at the mentioning of her editor. Maybe there was a chance. He had to grab at it if only to make life bearable for him and the man that had sworn to stay at his side for all eternity.

He loved Thomas Barrow. Had so since the other man had comforted him when he first came to the hospital during the War. He had admired Thomas strength and determination when he had given up one dark night.

Had feared for their future and their love when he had been forced to block Thomas out from his feelings after Jack had made his intentions known. Yet he couldn’t have managed without him. Edward Courtenay prided himself to be a strong person.

Yet even the strongest man had to have a pillar supporting him. That was Thomas Barrow. How his heart had opened up when Thomas had replied to his question whether he was happy with a simple yes I am happy.

He had been so in love with him at that moment. He had always found it hard to show feelings. Had been forced to hide them even more than Thomas had. But with Thomas it always seemed so easy and natural.

And even now, knowing that his husband was just outside the door gave him the strength to go through with their mad plan. He heard a door opening and Thomas announced Lady Edith. He put on a fake smile.

“Lady Edith. I am glad you could sneak away. Please sit down.” He heard skirts rustle as she sat down on the sofa opposite him. “What is the meaning of this secretive meeting Sir Edward? I am not sure it is entirely proper.”

“Please Edith, may I call you Edith, call me Edward. No need for titles here. I hope I have made a good impression on you and this doesn’t seem rushed but I have known you for some time now. I was a patient here far longer than a guest.”

“And you have done incredible work here. Especially with William Mason.” He was running out of words. He needed to come to the point quickly as he could hear her fidgeting on her seat. “You have been so kind and caring I felt very well taken care of.”

Speak as if you would speak to Thomas he told himself. “And today has shown me that in addition to all that you are very clever and very determined. Every man would be happy to call you his wife. That is what I am asking you. I would very much like you to become my wife.”

He heard how she let out a tiny gasp. So far, so good. Now to the harder part because he knew Thomas wouldn’t let them leave until all was said. “Before you agree or send me packing I would like to tell you a few things about me and my household. Because I am aware that you don’t know much about either.”

He smiled weakly. Thinking of Thomas outside, he drew another deep breath. “I come from an old and prestigious family. My uncle is the Earl of Devon. I can provide for you at the high standards you are used to or even more if you should desire it.”

“I live in a nice cosy House just outside Powderham village. I have given my title and all that comes with it to my younger twin brother Jack. As you are aware since you were there when the contract was made.”

“We also own a house in London. But there is one thing Edith that you should be aware of. I am gay. I don’t like women nor can I have intimate contact with them. It would be a show marriage. Which would provide you with a position and money and all you could desire.”

He felt that Lady Edith was about to interrupt so he held up a hand “Let me finish please, Edith. What I also offer is your freedom. I heard in your voice that you like your editor. Well you are very welcome to an affair with him.”

“No matter which man you choose, with the exception of my brother, I’ll support you. If you should wish for children and you agree with it, then I would like to bring them up as my own with everything that it involves. In addition any son of yours would stand as heir to the lands and title.”

“Now I am done. If you have questions please ask them.” He waited a few moments, when Edith didn’t say a word he stood up “Well then Edith. It is your choice.” He made for the door where he knew that salvation was waiting for him.

“Edward, please wait. I need to process this a bit. Could you please come back here?” He slowly turned around and reached for the sofa. Finding the backrest he edged along until he finally came around the front. He seated himself.

After a while Edith spoke up again. He held his breath at what was to come “Edward, you have said that we will never have a full marriage.” He nodded and she continued “You also said that you would give me a life that would give me every freedom possible to me.”

Again he nodded. He wasn’t sure he knew where this was going. Outside his ears picked up the familiar smooth voice of Thomas. In addition to the rough tone of Lord Grantham. Obviously the Earl was wondering where his guest and his daughter had vanished to.

But Thomas seemed to have it in hand as the Earl huffed but then left. Edith seemingly had heard something as well. After all went quiet again she continued “You also promised me that any children I would have would be taken into your family and treated as yours.”

Again he nodded “Can you promise me a life worth living Edward? For me and my children? I don’t want to dangle the fruits of my affair in front of you every day if that is hard on you. Because I understand your problem.”

He let out a breath “I can promise you this Edith. You and your children will always have a place in my home. Perhaps also in my heart. Somebody recently told me I had a big and kind one. You will have everything you need for you or the children. If that is what you call a live worth living yes.”

He took a deep breath as he decided to take his chances. “Mr. Barrow?” He called out. He heard the door open and the familiar strong and quick steps nearing. “Sir?” Sit down with us Thomas, please.” He felt how uncomfortable Thomas was at the use of his Christian name.

And he knew that his husband knew what would come next. He turned back to Edith “On the subject of dangling affairs in front of noses. Thomas Barrow is my partner and has been for a little over two years now. As you know he works in my house.”

He felt how Thomas straightened up. He took his hand and stilled it in his own. Thomas relaxed and in the same moment Edward knew why. Edith started to giggle. “I should have guessed it. We all know about Thomas here. Should have made the connection when he left with you as a valet.”

Edward smiled and rose, pulling Thomas with him. “Let me know your answer Edith.” “I think we might give it a try Edward, Thomas.” Edward and Thomas turned around the same moment. “What?” They said in unison.

“You see I would never be allowed to pursue Michael. He is in fact also a married man. And he can’t get a divorce because his wife has turned mental. But I really like him and you Edward Courtenay are my ticket to him. So we are evened out I think.”

“Though you would need to speak to Papa first. And maybe not tell him the entire story. Just the first part. He’ll agree I think. Thank you for offering me this possibility Edward Courtenay.” He smiled. It had worked out even better than they thought it might.

“My pleasure Edith. We both gain something from it. So I also have to thank you, on behalf of us both. And invite you to visit Courtenay House over the New Year’s weekend if you want to come.” Edith laughed softly under her breath.

“So you are deeper into it than I thought. Well If Papa agrees I’ll come. As your fiancé. So you can show me of” Edward grinned. The girl had courage. “Thank you Edith. We will have Ethel prepare a room for you then. I’ll say good night. Give my excuses to your parents.”

He felt for Thomas’ arm and grabbed it. Truth be told he knew this house so well that he didn’t need guidance anymore. But if there was the possibility to touch Thomas in public he would gladly take it. Thomas placed his hand on Edward’s and they went off.

Later that night after everyone was in their rooms, Thomas had slipped back into their room. “Well done, love.” He said as he let himself fall onto the bed. Edward chuckled. “Thank you Darling. We will sleep better now with Jack and mother off our backs.”

Thomas snuggled up close and he took him into his arms, as they had done countless times before. He pressed a quick kiss to Thomas’ silky hair. He so loved that hair, he could tangle it around his fingers all day long.

“What about that good looking footman Sybil has told us of?” He was just asking out of interest. He knew that Thomas would never leave him on his own accord. It was rather endearing though. Edward knew that Thomas adored him.

Just as it was the other way around. “Didn’t give him a second look. On first looks though he is good looking. A bit smaller than me, blond wavy hair and blue eyes. And rather cocky. Flirting with everything that looks like girl.”

They chuckled. “Well then good to know that I won’t have to fight for you, love.” He felt how Thomas drew him closer and obliged “Never Edward. Never.” And it was as simple as that Edward concluded. He truly had found the man of his life.


	6. Chapter 6

They returned to Courtenay House on the 27th with Edith Crawley accompanying them. Lord Grantham had been more than excited about Edward’s proposal to his rather plain middle daughter. Though Thomas had to admit that Lady Edith would be getting prettier the older she was.

Edward had asked him to describe her to him. Just so he knew how his future wife looked like. There hadn’t been much to say beyond the usual things such as blond hair and normal height. They both didn’t really care about that.

For Edward it was far more important to know that the silky hair he loved so much was in fact black and that his husband’s eyes were grey blue. That sharp cheekbones gave a pale face even more contour.

That a well-toned body made by years in service and War was slowly getting rounder as they had settled down. That broad shoulders and strong arms were always there to hold onto or to fall against a broad chest in times of need.

It was all Edward needed to know. He didn’t care what Edith Crawley looked like. Every morning he would ask his husband what colour his suit was or which tie he had selected. He didn’t want to lose the sense of colour.

And now they were turning into the drive of Courtenay House. Tom had been so kind to volunteer to drive them and to pick the other three up at the station afterwards. He heard Thomas sucking in a sharp breath of air.

“What is it, Thomas?” he asked even though he already guessed that it could only be Jack or his mother waiting for them. Then Edith let out a small shout of joy “Oh there is Rose. What on earth is she doing here?”

Edward turned to her. “If it is Lady Rose MacClare you are talking about and my mother or brother are with her, then I presume she is to be flung at me.” “It is your mother Edward.” Thomas murmured.

“Damn. Can’t she leave me alone for one second?” He felt Thomas hand gently placed upon his upper leg. “She won’t be here for long.” Edith chimed in “Could I invite Rose to tea, Edward? She is my cousin after all.”

Edward turned to her “As long as my mother leaves. I like Lady Rose. She is a kind girl. Or probably a kind woman by now. She must be around eighteen or something like that.” He put his hand on Thomas’ to tell him that they were alright. Thomas needed this reassuring often he had found.

The car stopped and Thomas left his side to get out of the car and help him down. But when he had reached solid ground he let go of Thomas’ hand and turned back towards the car. He held out his hand and hoped that Edith would understand the gesture.

He felt a delicate hand placed in his own and then a pair of shoes hitting the ground as Edith jumped from the car. “Stay back” he whispered to Thomas. He had to do this properly. Offering his arm to Edith he carefully let her up to the house.

He heard the quick and angry steps coming down the stairs and braced for his mother’s displeasure at disappearing for nearly a week without saying where. Then the footsteps stopped and off the train went.

“Edward! Where have you been? We have been worried. Everyone was gone over night and no one could tell me where. It is rather unpleasant. We had such lovely company over Christmas and you weren’t there.”

Edward couldn’t help but groan internally. So Lady Rose and presumably the Flincher family had been staying over Christmas. Well nothing to be done about that. “Lady Mother. May I introduce you to my fiancé? This is Lady Edith Crawley, second daughter to the Earl of Grantham. We met while I was convalescing at their home.”

Edward had the immense pleasure of realizing that for the first time in his twenty seven years, his mother was deprived of speech. Edith breached the silence “Lady Courtenay. I am so pleased to meet you. Your son was so kind as to invite me to your New Year’s festivities. I hope I am not a nuisance.”

Finally his mother had found her tongue again. “You are certainly most welcome Lady Edith. Since when are you two engaged? Edward never said a thing.” Please don’t say anything too recent. He begged her silently.

But again Edith proved to be the perfect cover up for anything. “Oh a little over two months really. Shortly before he left the convalescent home. He didn’t say anything to you because he wanted it to be a surprise on New Year’s Eve. You won’t spoil it for us will you, Lady Courtenay?”

Blessed be Edith and blessed be Thomas for bringing it up. How could he ever have been mad at his husband for suggesting this marriage? He supposed he had been a bit overwhelmed that Thomas had made the plan without a word to him in the matter.

“Sure my Dear. I am delighted that you will be joining us. Now I have to get running. I am supposed to help Jack with some ghastly plan of his. Rose, will you be coming with me?” Edward turned towards the young woman.

“If you wish you could stay for a bit. Mr. Branson is just picking up the rest of our household staff from the station. And Edith has been delighted at the prospect of talking to you since she glimpsed you on the steps.”

“I will stay, Lady Courtenay. If that is alright with you?” “Sure Rose. Just ring when you want to be picked up.” And of the angry steps went. As soon as she was out of earshot and presumably out of eyesight as well he let go of Edith’s arm.

He felt Thomas stepping up to his side but first he turned to Edith. “Thank you. You just saved me from a rather precarious situation there.” Edith laughed “Well that was our agreement, wasn’t it? I cover for you and you let me do what I want.”

But before he could answer Rose had spoken up. Damn he had forgotten that she was there “So not all is as it seems. How interesting.” “Best not pry dear cousin. Who has the key?” Thomas stepped away from him. Immediately his side felt cold.

“I do.” Edward heard the tell-tale clicking sound of the lock and then Thomas was back at his side with the gentle warning of “step” He could feel the strong arm around him and the steady hand on the small of his back.

Once inside Thomas let go of him once more. “I have to get things ready downstairs, Edward. I’ll come back later.” He quickly leaned his head against Thomas’ shoulder. “Then until later, love.” And then Thomas had disappeared.

He felt rather tired after all the excitement with his mother and the long trip. He quickly said his excuses to the ladies and headed upstairs to their room. To his surprise he could already hear water running into the tub and Thomas’ slightly off tune humming.

God bless Thomas Barrow, he thought for the second time this day. He went over to the bathroom and found Thomas presumably sorting through some bathing soaps, judging by the sound he made. “I thought you would still be downstairs?”

Thomas laughed quietly. “I wanted to indulge you. You seem awfully exhausted.” He smiled. “I am. Thank you Thomas. You are such a wonderful man.” He felt Thomas closing in and then strong arms around his waist.

“You are welcome Edward. But now I really have to get downstairs. I’ll be up shortly. Try not to fall asleep in the meantime.” He felt Thomas’ lips on his. He lifted his hand to tangle into Thomas’ amazing hair.

Thomas deepened the kiss and pulled him even closer. Now they were flush against each other and it was in these moments that Edward truly felt safe. In the arms of his husband, practically melting into him. It gave him the feeling of complete safety.

Suddenly Thomas was gone. Or better said he had broken the kiss. He was still holding Edward in his arms. “Oh Edward. I love you, you know.” Edward heard in Thomas’ voice just how much they needed each other in that moment. It was so hoarse from need that all Edward could do was to pull him in for another kiss.

Slowly Thomas disentangled himself from him. “I need to go downstairs Edward. I am sorry. I’ll be back as soon as possible.” Edward grabbed for his hands. “Promise me you’ll be back here soon?” Thomas took the hands and pressed quick kisses to both of them. “I promise my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put Rose in. I like her....


	7. Chapter 7

New Year’s Eve had come far too quickly. Edward had become more agitated with each passing day. The only consolation was that up to this day Jack hadn’t been around to snoop after them so Lady Courtenay had kept her word.

But Thomas could not but worry at Edward’s state. Of course he was nervous. They both were. If something should go awry with the announcement or if something smelled fishy to Jack it would all have been for naught.

But Edward had worked himself into such a state that it would be impossible for him to even go up to the Manor tonight. Thomas looked at the clock on his nightstand. They had four hours to get Edward into some less agitated mind frame.

He only prayed Sybil and Tom would make it down in time. They had announced their visit two days ago. Apparently something had gone awry with their announcement and Tom had been kicked off the premises.

Sybil had written that she would tell Mary, they were visiting Edith and the Courtenays. That ought to work with the Granthams. “Thomas? Where are you?” Edward’s voice was thing with despair. Thomas turned around and took his husband into his arms.

He knew that it would bring comfort to Edward. Despite him being such a strong person, from time to time he sought the shelter of Thomas’ arms. A well-known knock on the door heralded the urgently needed arrival of the two refugees.

“Come in.” Thomas called. Sybil strode in with Tom at her heels. When she saw the state Edward was in, she rapidly crossed the room to join them on the bed. Tom stopped and drew up a chair. “Edward? It is me Sybil. What has happened?”

Edward looked up, his hair tousled and his eyes panicked. “Sybil?” She took one of his hands “Yes, it is me. I want to help you, Edward. Please tell me what is wrong.” Edward reburied his face into Thomas’ shirt.

They heard some muffled moans. Thomas gently pried his partner loose. Taking his face into both hands he said with a kind of urgency “Edward, Ned, please tell us what is wrong? You have been in this state for some days now. What has gone wrong?”

His husband’s use of the well hated nickname seemed to have hit home to some degree. Edward’s unseeing eyes seemed to fill up with tears. “I am sorry Thomas. But I can’t pull it off. It is too much. Too much.” And with that he was back in Thomas’ shirt.

Tom seemed confused “What can’t you pull off Edward?” It was Thomas who answered him, while still holding Edward locked in his embrace. “The show tonight. He and Edith will have to act as a happy couple.”

“And unlike me, Edward can’t pretend to flirt with a woman. He can barely stand holding Edith’s hand for god’s sake. He is fine with having Sybil here because he knows her and knows she won’t try anything.”

“But especially with women he doesn’t know it is hard.” When he only got curious glances he realized that he had to explain it in more detail. Comfortingly her rubbed Edward’s back, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head before he continued.

“When you are like us there are, roughly said, two types. Those that have no problem pretending to like women, to flirt and to have skin contact. Men like me. You know that Tom. You have seen me flirt with Daisy, running around the fair holding hands.”

Tom nodded. “And there are men like Edward. Who really can’t stand to be around women. Especially not being touched by them or forced to flirt. When we arrived here after Christmas, his mother was waiting for us.”

“Edith and Edward pulled off a marvellous stunt for her. What Edith doesn’t know is the fact that Edward poured all his willpower into holding the arm still, where she placed her hand. He was so exhausted afterwards that he fell asleep in the bathtub.”

“It took him two days to recover from it. Two days we mainly spent here, with him holding onto me like a drowning man. I really don’t want to put him through that again. But at the same time I know he needs to do it.”

He finished with a soft sigh. Then he noticed how Edward had started scratching at the scars on his wrists. He gently covered the frenzied hand with his own “Sh. Edward, please don’t do that. It helps no one.”

Edward stilled and instead grabbed at the hand offered by his partner. Thomas kissed him on the temple, soothingly pulling his fingers through tousled curls. He looked at his two closest friends. Because no matter how secure he seemed, it was hard coping with this.

He saw the shock in their eyes and nodded sadly. It had been a good idea but it wouldn’t work properly. Not with Edward being as he was at the moment. It might even lead to another dark night. Tom, ever the practical, said “We have to come up with something. And we need your help Edward. Only you can tell us what you can bear and what would be too much.”

Thomas nudged his husband gently. “Edward? Can you help us find a way to make this work tonight?” Then he had an idea. “What about Bobby? Do you think taking a break with him after about an hour or so might help you?”

He thought he saw the ghost of a smile playing around Edward’s mouth. He nodded so lightly that only Thomas was able to realize it because Edward’s head rested against his chest. “Well then we will do that, love.”

“Who is Bobby?” asked Tom. Sybil eyed him curiously. Thomas smiled “His horse. He has taken his dressage practices back up after he discovered that his horse was still at the Manor’s stable. He finds so much joy in it. I get quite envious of that horse at times.”

Tom grinned. “Well one part of the evening sorted out. Of course you can use the bathroom often. Pretend that you’ve eaten something bad. I know you will do marvellously Edward. We are all there. Thomas will stand right behind you at all times.”

“And Sybil and I will be sitting on your side. Who cares about seating charts?” Thomas laughed and even Edward managed a small smile. “Spoken like a true revolutionary.” Edward murmured something that neither Thomas nor Tom or Sybil could make out.

“What did you say, love? Can you say it a bit louder?” “She will still have to come and I still have to pretend.” Thomas nodded. “Yes. I think so. But Sybil might be a great help on that score.” He looked at her. She nodded.

“Of course Edward. I’ll speak with her. Don’t worry.” Sybil stood from the bed and made her way to the door. She quietly closed behind her, leaving the three men alone. Tom took the spot she had just vacated.

“Now Edward. Can you please tell us what you wouldn’t say in her presence? Because I know that there is something.” Edward sat up slightly. “You won’t understand Tom.” “I will. Please tell us.” Edward buried his face in his hands.

To his utter shock Thomas saw that Edward had managed to scratch himself bloody. He had done so before. When the stress was just too much to bear. Thomas took a handkerchief from the nightstand and dabbed it into the water glass next to him.

Gently he pried Edward’s hands away from his face and cleaned the blood from them. Quietly he admonished Edward for making a mess again. After that he took both of Edward’s hands into his own. Just to prevent him from further harm.

He saw Tom sitting on the other side of Edward. He was looking at Thomas. And Thomas was able see the deep understanding there, that he needed to prevent himself from falling apart. Tom put his hand on Edward’s shoulder.

“Now Edward. Please tell us.” Having nowhere to hide Edward sighed. “I am sorry Tom. It was just too much right now. I couldn’t stand being so close to any woman. Even Sybil. I like her. She has been a good friend. But I can’t cope at the moment. I am sorry Tom.”

Thomas saw how Tom gave Edward’s shoulder a little squeeze. “Don’t worry Edward. She understands. I understand. Thomas understands. And Edith will understand too.” He exchanged a look with Thomas.

“You both look dreadful by the way. Let’s get this travesty over and done with and then, if you want to, you could accompany Sybil and me to Dublin. Take some time off. Drive around the countryside. You both need it.”

Thomas saw that there was more. He raised an eyebrow. “Sybil and I would really like to have you at our wedding. We four have been through so much together, we would like to honour that. Her father won’t come.”

“So we thought maybe Thomas could lead her up the aisle and Edward might be my best man. Only if you would do it of course. But we would love it. And it gives you two an excuse to get away for a bit.” Thomas was close to tears.

Tears of joy that was. “Thank you Tom. Your offer honours us to no end. We would be delighted. Edward?” When Edward turned his face to him, he saw that his husband was smiling again. “Yes Tom. We will come. Thank you. I am glad to stand as your best man.”

Tom laughed “Then it is settled. Let’s get you ready for tonight Edward. And remember we all stand behind you. In Thomas’ case literally.” They all laughed and Thomas pulled Edward to him and kissed him. He felt how Edward had relaxed.

“Thank you Tom. We will meet you downstairs. Because all four of us have to get changed.” Tom cast them a meaningful glance and stood up. “Don’t be late then. You got about an hour left.” With that he left the room chuckling.

Edward turned in Thomas’ arms and put a hand on his face. “I am sorry if I have worried you, love. I just couldn’t see the light anymore.” And Thomas realized with a pang just how close they had been to a repetition of the night at the hospital.

He pulled Edward flush against him. “Don’t worry Edward. We will handle this. Together. As always. Because I will always stand with you.” Edward brought their faces together and they fell into a hungry and relived kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick note before i get shouted at.  
> Thomas description might be a little stereotyped. But I have met gay men saying something along these lines. I might have overdone it for the sake of the story
> 
> Edward is still not depressive. Just bad at coping with stress


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is soppy. and fluffy and and and....  
> well there we are.

About an hour later they were on their way up to the Manor. Edward had decided to walk the short distance and the others had joined him and Thomas. Edith was walking ahead with Sybil and Tom. He and Thomas were only a short distance behind them.

Of course they were slower than the others. He was blind for god’s sake and he could hear Thomas breathing hard next to him. Long years of chain smoking had left him with a weak lung. But then he realized that Thomas hadn’t smelled like an ashtray in a while.

“What happened to your cigarettes?” “What?” He giggled and it felt good to be able to do so again. “I haven’t been able to detect smoke around you for some time. I just realized now.” “I stopped a while ago. Didn’t need them anymore.”

He smiled. It had been one of Thomas’ habits that he seriously couldn’t stand. But he had known early on that they provided Thomas with a sort of comfort mechanism. He felt the urgent need to show his appreciation of Thomas comping with his environment so much better now.

He stopped. Immediately Thomas also came to a halt. “What is it? You are not turning tail are you?” He extended a hand in his husband’s direction. “No, I just felt the urgent need to be let around. Like in the old times.”

Thomas obliged and placed his extended hand on his own arm. Edward squeezed it through the thick fabric of the winter coat. “I love you, you know? Now and always Thomas.” He managed under his breath. “I love you too Edward. Now and always.”

A shiver went down his spine at his husband’s words. They started walking again. Edward knew there were no words needed. They felt comfortable this way. Even if he dreaded what he had to do tonight, he knew Thomas would always be there if things went down the wrong direction.

He heard the noise of the arriving guests and stopped again. “Thomas? Time to change partners I think.” He heard the other three approaching them. “Edward?” That was Edith. “I am going to take your arm now. Thomas will be right behind you.”

He nodded. Thomas let go of his arm and a smaller hand loped around his elbow. Then he felt Thomas’ hand at the small of his back. It gave him the support he needed. “Alright then. Let’s do this.” He strode on, trying to keep the panic at bay.

It wasn’t as bad as Thomas had portrayed it to Tom this afternoon, with him being around women that is. But it took a tax on him to play the happy groom to be. That was far harder than having Edith on his arm or dancing. He had done so before the War and it had always worked.

He was just so stressed about this whole pretending thing. He still wasn’t sure if his mother had swallowed the bait or not. And he was mortally afraid of Jack’s reaction. It had all lead to the breakdown.

And truth be told he had been so far down the dark path that he hadn’t been able to turn around again. He had needed the help of the man he loved and his best friend. And together they had dragged him out of his misery and provided a solution.

He was still very happy to have been asked to stand as best man at their wedding. And he knew that Thomas was even more honoured at leading Sybil up the aisle. She was after all an earl’s daughter and he a clockmaker’s son.

But the Bransons to be were their oldest and best friends. So he thought it only deserved that Thomas was given the place in substitution of her father. And on the business of unequal marriages, what was he to say?

“Edward? Your mother, your brother and Anne are standing in the door receiving the guests. I am going to drop a bit behind. You’ll manage.” With that he felt the strong hand of his husband disappear.

He took a deep breath before continuing on. He had to do this. So he and Thomas had a chance. He heard the scratchy voice of Jack’s “Ned. So nice to see you tonight. We were quite worried when you left over Christmas.”

“Lady Edith? To what do we owe the pleasure?” But before either of them could answer his mother pushed in “Jack. Let them get into the house. I see you brought guests of your own Edward?” Ah yes the Bransons.

“Yes Lady mother. May I introduce Lady Sybil Crawley? She is the youngest daughter of Lord Grantham and served as a nurse during the War. And her fiancé Mr. Tom Branson. I am not sure whether you remember Lord and Lady Branson of Grafton Manor in Ulster?”

“No I don’t I am sad to say. But be welcome anyways Mr. Branson, Lady Sybil.” He felt Edith tug at his arm. Reluctantly he went inside the house that had been his home for so long. He hadn’t been here since he returned after the War.

But he still knew the layout. “Edith? To the right is the hall. Would you please lead us there?” He whispered. Then he heard Thomas arguing with Mr. Dawn, the butler. Stopping again he said “Wait Edith, we need to get Thomas with us. The old butler doesn’t want him to tug along.”

They turned around. He tried for his best authoritive voice. “Mr. Dawn. Let Mr. Barrow pass. He is my personal attendant and I require his presence at all times. I am sorry if that interferes with your principles but I am in need of special help as you well know.”

He turned back towards the door to the hall. “Lead on Edith, let’s get this over with.” They started off again and he heard Thomas’ strong and confident steps behind him. It would work. It had to. Or all they had built for themselves would collapse like a badly made house of cards.

About an hour later they were going onto the second course of the festive menu. He knew that Tom sat next to him, on his left. On his right was Edith. And behind him was Thomas. Who just at that moment stepped up to him.

“Edward now or never.” He heard the quiet whisper and nodded. He turned to Edith. “Let’s do this.” “Sure if you want to. Shall I get attention?” “Please.” A few moments later the high tones of a silver spoon tapping against an empty wine glass rang through the air.

Now or never indeed. He felt how Thomas pulled out the chair for him and stood, taking Edith’s hand in his. He turned to the table and even if he could not see the people around it he still knew that their curious glances were fixed on him.

“I am sorry to have disturbed your dinner my dear Lords and Ladies. But I, or better we, have an announcement to make.” He turned to Edith. “That being that the Lady Edith Crawley and I will be getting married in the new year.”

He heard shouts and glasses raised and bumped against each other in congratulations. Above all the din he heard Jack’s voice shouting. “Well I never thought that would happen, Ned. Congratulations. When will the wedding be?”

Damn, he hadn’t thought of that. But again Edith jumped the breach and saved him. “Late April we thought. My sister is getting married first and then it is our turn, Mr Courtenay.” He heard Jack’s laughter and knew they had done it. They were save.

For now at least. Until people figured that Edith spent most of her time in London and not up here. But that was something to worry about later. He felt Thomas hand on his shoulder and a chair pushing at his legs.

He sat down again and felt Thomas squeeze his shoulder lightly. Then he smelled the familiar scent he loved so much and felt Thomas bowing his head down. “Are you alright Edward?” He nodded “Yes, thank you Thomas. It was easier than I thought it would be. Still after the meat course I would like to take a break.”

“See all that foolishness this morning for nothing. Stupid man.” He smiled. “I guess I am. Thank you Thomas for everything.” Suddenly Thomas was gone without a reply. He felt Tom tugging at his sleeve to get his attention.

“Your brother was watching you a bit too curiously. That’s why Thomas stepped back.” Thank heaven. Sometimes he wished he could still see what was going on around him. He just missed so much that was communicated by eyes or gestures.

But then it gave him the excuse to latch onto Thomas’ arm whenever he wanted. And he liked that. A lot. “Thank you Tom.” “No problem. Glad it went so well.” “Me too. I think it might actually work.” Edith laughed on his other side and said “I am certain it will. But we will have to work on the details a bit more Edward.”

“I can’t always be there to save you from those questions, like with Jack just now or with your mother the other day.” He nodded. He knew that but right now he didn’t want to think about that. He just wanted to enjoy his triumph.

“We will. When we have returned from Ireland. I assume you are going too?” “Yes. Me and Mary both. I guess that means you and Thomas are invited too?” He was about to tell her that they were but Tom started talking before he got a chance.

“They are. Actually I have asked Edward to stand as my best man. And you might not like this bit. Sybil has wanted Thomas to stand in for your father. They are our best friends Edith. We wanted them to have a special role at our wedding. Because in a way it is theirs too.”

Edith laughed a little and he was able to let go of the breath he had been holding since Tom had been starting to speak. “It is not me you have to convince but Mary. I am happy for you, all of you. Sybil has been so worried about you two for so long and now you are all in save hands so to say.”

“And after all I am in this boat now too, Tom. And I’ll do my best for our two boys here. I have seen Thomas suffering for a long time. And I have seen your despair Edward. I am glad that both of you found some form of peace now. Let’s hope it will stay this way.”

Edward felt tears welling up. He was so moved by Edith’s declaration. “Thank you Edith. You are so very kind about this mess. And thank you Tom for those words. You can’t imagine what they mean to me. Or to Thomas.”

He heard Tom’s rough chuckle. “Well as long as you don’t turn up in a morning coat. It is not a toff’s wedding after all. And maybe you might want to declare yourself a Barrow too, a cousin say. After your uncle’s show in Dublin I am not sure a Courtenay would be welcome there.”

“Not a cousin. A husband. But of course we have to put on a show. My uncle has certainly overdone himself there. And I am sorry about your cousin Tom.” He felt Toms hand on his arm. “Don’t worry Edward Barrow.”

He couldn’t speak anymore. The simple combination of their two names had somehow made him utterly lost. It was something that gave him more than he had ever bargained for. He loved it. It felt so right.

Tom and Edith seemed to realize his utter confusion because suddenly there were hands on his shoulders and Tom worriedly whispered “Edward? Are you alright? Have I said something wrong?” He shook his head.

“No Tom. You said something extremely nice. But I think I need some time to myself just now. Please Edith make my excuses. I’ll try and come back soon.” “Certainly Edward. Mr. Barrow? Could you help Sir Edward?”

He felt how Thomas strong hands replaced Tom’s and immediately felt better. “Sir? Is everything alright?” “Certainly Mr. Barrow. I just need a short break.” And then his chair was drawn back and he placed his hand on Thomas’s arm.

“You will need to tell me the way though. I don’t know this house.” “Outside please.” Thomas started in the direction of the door. Jack’s voice cut through the air “Ned? Are you alright? Where are you going?”

He wasn’t able to answer. He just walked hoping Edith or Tom would cover for him. As she did. “My fiancé has seemingly eating something that doesn’t agree with him Mr Courtenay. I hope he can be excused for the moment.”

“Certainly. Hope it doesn’t do too much bad Ned.” He nodded. He hated Jack’s played pity. For him it would be best if he dropped dead from the table. Finally they had made their way to the entrance hall and Thomas left to pick up their coats.

“To the stable?” He nodded and Thomas took him straight to the stand Bobby was munching his hay in. “Now Edward. What happened? Was it something Edith or Tom said? Because you seemed so happy just seconds before.”

He reached out for his horse to come over. Which it promptly did. Making soft rumbling sounds the big, brown stallion buried his head in his arms. “Tom was telling Edith about our jobs at his wedding. And he said that I should masquerade as your cousin because obviously a Courtenay wouldn’t really be welcome there.”

“Of course” Thomas mused. “I replied with: Not a cousin. A husband. And Tom just laughed and said don’t worry Edward Barrow.” He said it with so much emotion that he immediately felt Thomas arms around him. Bobby retreated back to his hay, put out by the rival.

“I couldn’t say anything anymore. It sounded so incredibly right. I am yours Thomas. With heart and soul. I would be honoured if I could carry your name. Even if it is only to put on a show for the wedding. It just feels so right.”

And as he said it he knew it was right to say so. He had given himself to Thomas heart and soul. Thomas meant everything to him. He would be his forever if the other man would let him. Loosing Thomas would mean certain death to Edward.

“Edward. Certainly you can. Now and always. You can’t possibly imagine how much this means to me my love. Hearing the sound of Thomas and Edward Barrow makes my heart explode with pride and love.”

“With the pride that anybody would want to carry my name as a symbol of their love to me. You honour me Edward. And we will be together. Forever Thomas and Edward Barrow if you wish so. There is no life for me without you.”

He was so in love with his husband at that moment that he felt as if his heart would explode. “You have taken the words right out of my mouth Thomas. No life for me without you. Now and for always Thomas and Edward Barrow.”

They leaned their foreheads against each other. Edward raised his hands to ghost through Thomas hair. Thomas pulled him closer. Their lips met in the gentlest of kisses. They would never be parted. Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the fluff and soppyness there  
> too many xmas carols around
> 
>  
> 
> I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year 2016!!


End file.
